Settling - When to stay and when to GO

You’re not asking for too much—you’re just no longer available for less.

In this episode, we’re talking about the energy of not settling—in your career, your relationships, your daily life, and most importantly, within yourself. Because settling doesn’t always look like something obvious… sometimes it looks like “this is fine,” when deep down, you know it’s not.

https://www.highvibesmethod.com/

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

There comes a moment when you realize I'm not going to tolerate this anymore. This is no longer meant for me. And the second you stop settling, everything starts to rearrange. In this episode, we're going to talk about energy not settling. You're not asking for too much. You're just no longer available for less. In your career, your relationships, your daily life, and most importantly, within yourself. Because settling does not always look like something obvious. Sometimes it's just, it's fine. It's good for right now. When deep down you know it's not. If you've been feeling the pull for more, but also fear of letting go of what's comfortable, this episode is going to help you shift into self-trust, clarity, and the kind of energy that calls in exactly what you want. Okay, so I went back and forth internally on whether or not I was going to share this story just because it's so recent. It literally happened yesterday. And I don't know if it's professional or not, but here we go. Is this professional? Not really. This is kind of like my personal journey as well as yours. Um, so I've been working on this project. I've been working on this podcast, I've been building the high vibes method. Um, I've been building this program, right? Well, I also need to make money. And um, so I've been looking for jobs and I moved to Florida and basically with no plan other than I'm going to build this podcast up to what I believe it can be, but I need a job to pay my bills, right? Don't we all? So just in the interim or in the meantime, or you know, for now, right? So I got this job, and Thursday was yesterday. Today's Friday. Thursday was yesterday, it was my fourth day on the job, you guys. I'm no longer there. Um I'm home and I'm recording my podcast episode. In the matter of four days, this is what I experienced. The first day, I was like, oh, that's interesting. This doesn't feel very good. Um, first of all, nobody really talks about this, but going back to the office after you've had a lot of freedom is challenging. Not only have I had freedom for the last six months of kind of being unemployed and living this woo-woo life in the villages, Florida, I've also um had that freedom before. Like in my last job, I was there for six and a half years, and I had my own personal freedom to take ownership for my role. So I was responsible for my income. I was responsible for my schedule, and I made it work and I love that because independently I can be driven and I need that flexibility, especially if I'm training for marathons. And um, so I working a nine to five or working an eight to five was already going to be a challenge for me. I I knew that I did know that internally, but what I was not prepared for as a mid to senior level executive person, um I was not expecting to be micromanaged. I was not expecting to have to clock in. Uh, no shade, okay, no shade. But I'm I also had previously worked for someone who, you know, I was in sales. So like I've worked for sales managers that are really, really high pressure. And I've also worked for sales managers that are like, look, you don't work, you don't make the money, that's on you. But also, like, we're in the red, so get it together and and work it out, you know. Or um I've never worked for a sales manager who has treated me this way, and I think that was very troubling for me, um, just because I was treated now like a kindergartner, and it was literally my fourth day yesterday. Um, but not only that, everyone else in the office was treated so poorly that I was like, I cannot, I cannot subject myself to this environment. Um, and I feel terrible because I kind of left these people high and dry on day four of my employment, which is crazy. Okay, so there's only a couple people that work in the office. I was gonna be part of the sales team, which means I was gonna be out in the field with one other person for a little bit, and then I'd be out in the field on my own, and I'd be out like making calls, stopping in, you know, doing the sales thing. I'm not gonna say what the industry was, I'm not even gonna say anything about the company as a whole, but I will say it was noticeable at how I could visualize myself going down a very dark path internally. Now, I've made so much progress with who I am, the confidence level that I have, and just knowing my self-worth and not settling that I will not go back to that mental state. And look, I've been there. I worked at a job once where my manager, and I've told this story before, but my manager, my direct supervisor, the executive head honcho of the entire operation, looks me straight in the eye and says, You'll never be more than a sales assistant, Megan. And I'll never forget how that felt. And I knew by Thursday of my first week of employment at this job that I was going to feel that way again. And I was like, I can't. I cannot continue to go through this, I cannot put myself in that position, I cannot settle for that just for a freaking paycheck. Um and what's worse is the people in this office were so kind and loving and they worked so hard, but the person I'm trying to figure out how to say this tactfully. The person that owns the business is not here, okay. The person that owns the business is off-site, lives somewhere else, but this person is calling like every 20 minutes calling different employees. Now, granted, there's only like six employees, including myself, okay. So it's a very, very small operation. Everybody's doing a hundred jobs, and the per the owner is calling each individual employee asking about the other employees. So they're being forced to tattle on each other every 25 minutes, and it's creating a very troubling environment. Does this person ever call the actual person to ask what they're doing? No. And as someone who was brand new from the outside, I was like, I can see the writing on the wall. I mean, if you had the wrong personality in this environment, it would be so toxic. But they all handle it very, very gracefully. And surprisingly, they all do their job really, really well because that would be traumatizing for me over time. Um, and it was really heartbreaking to leave yesterday, but I saw an opportunity. The two people that I was working with in off in the office were both on the phone. My intuition was telling me to get the fuck out of there. And so I left the laptop on the desk and the phone on the desk and I walked out. And then I sent a Teams message to the entire team, which again is only six people plus the owner. And I just said, This is not healthy for me, basically. But also, here are the reasons why. And I listed all of the reasons, like micromanaging, checking in on other employees, the passive aggressiveness. We also, on Tuesday, my second day, we had a two and a half hour meeting, two and a half hour Zoom meeting with literally five people, six people, and nothing was accomplished. I mean, it could have been an email. And I know that's like a funny TikTok thing, but it literally could have been an email, like with bullet points, and that was it. And the management style of this person who owns the company, it's they're just not in the right business or the or the right industry. Um, they're a go-getter, and I respect them for that, and they have probably been very, very successful in other industries, but like the compassion is not there. And so I feel so terrible for the people that still work there because they are settling and they have to settle because they all have situations like children and properties and you know, responsibilities. Whereas like I have the luxury to not do that. I mean, I don't have any kids. I do have a Doverman, she's just as expensive as a child, I think. Um, but you know what I mean? I I I have savings, I have the luxury to choose what I want, and I don't have to settle for money. Also, I've created a world in which I receive money from all different directions, not just from a job. I have really worked hard at my money mindset. And when you choose to walk away from settling from something, I promise you, doors open. I promise. I promise you. Look, this goes for relationships, this goes for friendships, it goes for your career. The moment you walk away from something that's not serving you, the moment you get to live. And it is hard, okay? It's scary. You're walking into the unknown, you're unsupported, maybe, but you have to take a risk and tell the universe this is not for me anymore. And here's a great example. I was in a relationship for nine plus years. He was great, he loved me a lot. Um, because of him, I know what it feels like to have someone truly madly in love with you. And for that, I'm so, so, so grateful. But it was nine years too long. We probably should have been together for like a year, and then we would have moved on, and we probably both would have gotten married after that. Um, but like it was nine years too long because he was comfortable. I was, I felt safe with him, I knew what it felt like to be loved. But there was always this piece of knowing that we're just not that right for each other. And I think he felt the same way too, because we did end things very, very amicably. But when we both finally decided to walk away from each other, I my whole world shifted and I jumped timelines. Like I was all of a sudden, you know, mourning this breakup because not only when you're in a nine-year relationship, not only do you have the same friends, you you have no idea like who you are anymore. Like I had lost my identity. You know, my identity was Megan and this person, and like we were always together. And so it was a really scary time for me to be alone after nine years. And so, you know, I'm like doing the morning thing. I'm sitting in my apartment. This apartment was like a dungeon. It was all I could afford at the time. It was like, I think I paid$700 a month, and it was below ground apartment. It was like daylight basement, right? It was so creepy and scary in Queen Anne, lower Queen Anne in Seattle. And it was dark. There was like one window. I did have a patio, but someone from above could literally jump over a fence into my patio and then walk into my sliding glass door. It never felt really safe. It was super sketchy. But I remember sitting there at my computer at my desk. I think I was drinking a bottle of wine to myself, crying. And I was listening to cold play. I was listening to um cold play fix you on repeat. Like it's so pathetic, you know. I was young, okay? I was super young. So I'm listening to Coldplay, and I'm just like, and and the holidays were coming up. And because I feel like we, I don't remember exactly what day we broke up, but I think it was like right around Thanksgiving. And so Christmas was coming up, and um, I was like, I don't know what I'm gonna do. I'm so used to spending the holidays or at least having him as a buffer to deal with my family, because at the time I just didn't have strong relationships with my family members, and I and I was a different person. I if I would have known what I know now, I wouldn't have settled for so long. And I hate to use settle as a word for being with him, but like I was settling internally. I didn't know who I was, I didn't have a backbone, I was insecure, I was also recovering from doing a lot of drugs, and so I just was like, I had no idea what was going on. I was just so scatter-brained and like just not a whole person, if that makes sense. So I'm crying, drinking wine, listening to cold play, and I'm just like, you know what? Fuck it. I'm gonna go find someplace to go um for Christmas, and I'm gonna do that so that I don't have to be around my family alone, so that I don't have to face anyone and answer all their questions, because everybody's questions are always the same. Are you dating anyone? Um, what about if you want to have kids? Because, you know, I'm like, that's always been like, well, don't you want to have kids? No, I don't. I didn't. I never have, I never will, never, I didn't. But um, it's always the same questions, and I hated facing the questions every during the holidays. It was always so stressful for me. And so I didn't want to be home for Christmas. That was the bottom line. I didn't want to be home. Next thing you know, you guys, I'm Googling volunteer abroad. Okay, never been anywhere except for Mexico and uh had I think I had been to Costa Rica by then. Yeah, I had been to Mexico, Costa Rica, and like Canada, but nowhere else. Next thing you know, I'm on the phone with somebody from Cross Cultural Solutions, this organization, and I'm taking off to go to Tanzania for like a month. I ended up staying a lot longer, and it was the most life-changing experience of my life. On Christmas Day, I was on a safari. I was on a safari in a broken down like truck thing. It's a it was a land cruiser, but it was like broken down, and um part of the safari was on foot, if you can only imagine. It was very cheap, this safari. Uh, we got a deep, deep discount because we bought the safari when we got there after we had been volunteering. So it's a local tour guide, you know, and definitely slept in tents with hippos running around. It was crazy. But I was there in Tanzania, went by myself, had never really been anywhere that wasn't, you know, touristy, and I fell in love. I started to like figure out that there's so much more that I could be doing. There's so much more in this world, in this universe to experience. And I just had no idea because I had been like in this bubble of safety and in this bubble of I've always I'm always gonna have this guy. And like it changed everything. Going to Tanzania changed my entire life. I'm so grateful for the experience because it really taught me that it's okay to have heartbreak. It's okay to walk away from things, it's okay to say, I'm not gonna settle for this anymore. And you will constantly be tested, by the way. You will constantly be put in situations where you are settling. And it is your job to recognize that and to move forward. And so, you know, when I was, I think I was 32, maybe 30. I don't know. I don't know. It was a long time ago when I went to Tanzania. And um, oh, I was 30. I was 30. So back then I settled for nine plus years. Okay, maybe eight, maybe seven, I don't know. A long time. Now I'm 46. I experienced this job for four days, three and a half days, and I recognized it immediately, and I walked away. I came home from my job. I started crying in the car on my way home because I felt so bad because I I really love the people that I met over the last few days at this job, but I can't possibly work for this owner. Um, and I just knew it would, it would, it would deteriorate me. I knew it would. And and I can't do that to myself after all this progress that I've made, especially while I'm building this podcast. I'm building the high vibes method. I am like living what I'm talking about. I am educating you, but I'm also educating myself and experiencing this with you. And that's that's what I think is so cool about this whole thing is like I'm not some gurus like saying this is how what works. Like, I'm literally doing it with you. And I think it's our journey together, and I think that's kind of unusual, and it's refreshing, in my opinion. Okay, it's refreshing to me too. Because listen, I followed a lot of gurus and a lot of self-help books and people and you know, motivational speakers. I I I follow it all, I've done it all, and um this is mine. I've created it, I built it, but I'm also learning it and I'm experiencing it, and it's really cool. So I I appreciate you for being here with me on this journey, but I'm also with you on your journey, you know. Anyway, that's the progress that I've made in however many years, 16 years from 30 to 646. And I will be tested again, you know, but for me to recognize that I cannot settle because this is not who I am. I am not someone who goes to a job that they hate, sits down at the computer, is talked about negatively throughout the day. I am not that person and I will not become that person. I will not talk about my coworkers in a negative way. I will not perpetuate gossip or toxic behaviors in the workplace. And if I ever do have a team on the high vibes method, I will promote productivity through positivity and encouragement and trust. That's one thing that I said when I left was you have to trust your employees to do a good job, and then they will. And you should. Trust your team because they are all incredible and they do a fabulous job, and they are putting in their hearts and souls every single day to this position. And for you not to recognize that is a disservice to them, but it's also a disservice to your clients. So I basically said all that, you know. And so I get home, I've been crying, but like it was happy tears because I'm just so proud of myself for recognizing that I have to walk away from this in order to have something else come forward that's more aligned with what I'm meant to be doing right now. So I come home, I open my computer, and I have two interview requests in my inbox. And they're both so aligned with who I am, what I'm doing, what I'm meant to do, but they also both allow me to work remote. They both allow me to work the schedule that I want. They also both pay more money, and they both allow me to run. Here's the other here's what happened to me in four days. I didn't run any miles. I dreaded going to work. I couldn't sleep. There, I was not sleeping, and I was drinking wine at night. In four days, you guys. So I want you to think about something that's not serving you and something that's not working for you to be open. Because if it is not working for you, it does not mean that there's nothing else for you. There's always something else for you. Like, there's enough for everyone, there's no limit. And I think that's where we all get caught up. It's like, well, everyone else is successful. There's not enough for me. There is enough for you. It's limitless. Like, and also you can get money randomly from all kinds of different opportunities. It doesn't have to be from work, it doesn't have to be from winning the lottery, it doesn't have to be from an inheritance. There are so many ways to get money. Money is energy. So when you decide I am no longer that person that has to go into a job that they hate, get to work a half hour early because it's what is expected of me, stay until you know 537, not 5:30, 537 to show that I'm putting in more effort. It's all a facade. We do not have to settle. And yes, it's terrifying, you guys. It's super scary to walk away from a relationship that is good and feels good because you're loved, but you know it's not right. You know there's something missing. Even though it feels safe. It's scary to walk away from a job that feels safe. It's scary to walk away from a job where you're undervalued and underpaid, but it is a steady paycheck. It's terrifying. But if you embrace the change, that is what I'm talking about when you step into your new identity. Because you have to become the next level person. I came home, I sent my friend a text, and I sent her the message that I wrote, because I wrote it in teams so that everybody could see it, all six of us, including the owner, just saying, like, hey, I left. And I just told her, I told my friend, I said, I had to walk away because I'm not this person anymore. I'm a boss babe now. And she was like, Yes, you are. I love you. And I'm so lucky that I have the support that I do. I have the best friends in the whole world. And you know where I met her? I met her from the job where the manager told me, you're never gonna be more than a sales assistant, Megan. That's where I met her. And so, even though you walk away from things, you can take away things that are beautiful from that experience. So, with walking away from that job yesterday, in a way, I was kind of giving a nod to all the employees that work there and just say, like, I see you, I see how beautiful your hearts are, I see how hard that you work, and I'm standing up for you because I can, because I'm an outsider and I don't have any skin in the game. And I hope that that brought them a smile, you know, at the end of the day. I hope that they feel seen and heard. And I really hope that so does the owner, because she probably has no idea that her behaviors are troubling. And, you know, we've all been in situations where we've had to look in the mirror and do a little bit of self-reflection. It's healthy, it's good, and it makes us better at who we are. It makes us grow and evolve. And so I'm not sorry about what I did. I'm I feel very good about it. And just like leaving my nine-year relationship, I feel really good about it and send him nothing but love from afar because he showed me what it feels like to be loved. And now I know what that feels like. And it's just you can walk away from people, places, things, experiences, and you can still show gratitude for teaching you something, or even forcing you to put a mirror up to your face and forcing you to reflect on things you need to work on. Those are all lessons to be thankful for. You know, that's settling. Settling is not always painful, it's often just numbing. And if you're looking to make this energetic shift, you know, it just starts with kind of a quiet knowing, um, just noticing what's going on. Like for me, the last three and a half days, I started to notice like I'm not running. I haven't run this week. I'm drinking more wine than normal, I'm not sleeping, I'm dreading going to work. Um it's just quietly noticing how it makes you feel and paying attention to that. And then it becomes a decision. And then things really start to shift because once you decide you're no longer settling, you might end up getting fired. That's kind of how it works. Like once you make that decision, I'm not settling for this, it will leave one way or another. You don't manifest more while you're entertaining less. So, what happens when you decide you're not settling? You create space. Yeah, you feel uncomfortable, but you feel alive. Opportunities start to show up for you. You start to trust yourself a little bit more. And by the way, not settling, it doesn't mean everything changes overnight, but your standards do. And that changes everything. Okay, so I kind of want to do a little exercise, okay? This is called this is no longer enough practice. I want you to identify one area of life where you are currently settling. You can get out a piece of paper, you can say it out loud, or you can write it down, and you can just say, This is no longer enough for me. And what is it? And then ask yourself, what would a full body yes feel like instead? And then write that down, or you can say it out loud. You can just kind of think about that. You know, one thing I really love to do being in Florida is I like to go sit outside on the in the grass or in a comfy chair watching my dog play and have the sunlight beam down on me and do a little reflection and just kind of think about this stuff. You're not here to force your life into something that almost fits, okay? You're here to create a life that actually meets you. Okay, it feels kind of good to end the episode here. Um, I do have a journal prompt for you if you want to get out a piece of paper and write this down, or you can come back and press play at the end at 32 minutes. Um, here are the journal prompts. Where in my life am I saying this is fine when it's actually not? And then just let the pen run wild. Here's another one. I'm gonna give you three journal prompts. Okay, so that was number one. Where in my life am I saying this is fine when it's actually not? Number two is what am I afraid would happen if I stopped settling? What am I afraid would happen if I stopped settling? And then number three is what does my next level standard look like? What does it look like if I'm in my next level standards? Raise the bar, ladies. Raise it. Thank you so much for listening. I love you so much. This is Megan, the High Vibes Experience.